If I Cry I'll Fill the Ocean by Ida Linehan Young

Author:Ida Linehan Young
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Flanker Press
Published: 2022-04-04T17:28:37+00:00

18

Where Once They Stood

Eddy, who was sixteen years my senior, retired from his job as river warden the next January and received his old-age pension. We didn’t have a lot of money to get by on. The community had raised money to help us get into our house, and the last of it was used to purchase headstones.

Francis had worked with the Department of Transportation, and Marg found out that he had a small life insurance through them. She applied, and that spring a cheque for $25,000 came in Eddy’s name. He was Francis’s beneficiary. Eddy signed it. He took an envelope, poked it inside, and sent it to the Welfare Office in St. Mary’s to cover the children’s funeral expenses. He said that Francis would have wanted it that way.

It was just the two of us for the next couple of years. The children, now grown-ups, ebbed and flowed through the house. Ida had surgeries and needed care for weeks at a time. Those things gave solace of hands to take from the pain of the mind and the heart.

The first snowfall, the birthdays, and June 19, 1981, battered me and changed me to a point I almost didn’t recognize myself. But sadly, those things wouldn’t be the worst of it.

In May 1983, a police car pulled up in the driveway. A young officer got out and approached the door. I was petrified for the moment when I answered the knock. All kinds of thoughts raced through my mind; foremost was a plea that it wouldn’t be news that something had happened to one of the remaining children.

My heart was pounding in my ears when he spoke.

“Are you Catherine Linehan?” he asked.

I nodded, mouth open, waiting for the collapsing news.

“I have a subpoena,” he said as he handed me a paper.

My thoughts were swirling around, and I was confused. “What?”

“A subpoena to appear in court.”

“Court?”

“June 24. Is your husband here?” his starched and polished persona asked.

“Yes, he’s gone in the woods.”

“I’ll leave these with you, then,” he said as he handed me several envelopes and then turned and left.

I backed into the porch and used the wall to support me. I rifled through the envelopes. My name, the two Eddys, Neil, Larry, and Ida. I staggered in as far as the table and flopped on the chair as the sound of the car engine fired and the tire sounds on the gravel faded.

I opened the envelope. Big bold letters faced me on the yellow paper.

Enquiry.

There was going to be an enquiry at the courthouse in Placentia.

Fear, anger, and confusion raced each other around in my head. I had heard talks of this a long time ago, but Father Power had assured me it was nothing to worry about it. I called him and asked if he knew. He didn’t. He said he’d see what he could do. The next day, he called and told me that there was nothing he could do. I’d have to go.

“I’m not going. I’m not dragging all this up again,” I said, my voice cracking.

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